Love... The Verb

Growing up many dream of their futures. What career are they going to have, what type of house and cars will they own? And often most thought of ,whom will they marry ?

But before most of us find out the answer to those questions, for one in particular, we must learn what love and commitment is. To often do I see many people in their 20s with the wrong outlook upon "love". Love is a commitment, it isn't just a word. Many times people are with their significant other for, the look they portray or, the publicity they receive, by simply "looking" the part, when in fact it's so much more than. Love is an action, in politically correct terms a verb, it is to be used to express the actions of certain feelings. Now days young adolescents are placing this word onto someone without truly commiting to it. You see, when you love someone it's not something you can forget over night or just say. It is something you must feel and want to act upon. Many relationships today have lost site of the common goal. Whatever happened to dating to find the perfect soul mate? Or dating to find a suitable partner to start a life with?

Now days relationship goals are, get rich live lavish, and "stunt" on other couples. Let's not forget the main reason of dating. The goal should be to find the person that is complimentary to you, a person you can reach goals with, someone to challenge you in your every day life, and not let you settle for less than. Learn to love the person who sees potential within you, and wants to help you reach limits unimaginable. That's love and that commitment. Finding someone who wants to empower you to do better all while empowering themselves. Don't settle for the "look" yall can portary, or the "most likes on Instagram" couple. Love is important, and meaningful, so let it be sacred  and let the one who inspires you most reap the benefits of such great action .

Current Events

The world is confused and that's to be expected, we got people rioting for criminals and neglecting the unprotected, it's a mess, ball of stress, I'm just happy we are blessed, because we could be the next person on the news in honor of our death, what's next? History in repeat, let's retreat, there is no need for all the violence, why can't us Americans protest in honorable silence, they don't hear us? Yes that's true, u got the whole world blaming all this on Obama, along with the gas prices too, what fools, what am I to do? Scared to bring a child in this world full of cruel, intentions, don't let me forget to mention, not all law enforcers are here to take our children. That's a rap.

The side walk less traveled

Many of us want success just as much as the person standing next to us. But many of us also refuse to do what's necessary to seperate us from them. "Explain to me your strengths and weaknesses?", prolly the most universal asked question that will be stated in most interviews. How many of us can honestly answer that? You see,over 85% of the people walking this planet have the hardest time answering that question. We are to often taught to master our strengths so that we can make or weaknesses seem, well irrelevant, when in all actuality we should be confronting our weaknesses head on. Success isn't about who can do one specific task better than the other, success is the person who realizes that they aren't good at a particular thing and practices  to become better with out compensating for it. So ask yourself this? Have you honestly confronted your weaknesses to even remotely turn them into something closely related to a strength ? Or have you practiced your strengths so that less time was spent ? To often to people believe in the quote of "work smarter not harder" , that in it self is false direction to our youth. It is explaining a short cut to an answer that you may need other ways under your belt to retrieve. With all that being said remember," your weaknesses are your strengths because,how you handle a situation in the weak mind, shows your true strength within". Remain calm,remain humble, remain true. So take the side walk less traveled, cause while others are turning toward their strengthes, you will be having a smoother less traveled path, all while becoming well rounded. "Thou Shall Not Fear The Unknown, for discovery is the way of the world".

"Are you afraid of being lonely, or are you afraid of yourself?"

You ever walk into a room and even though there's over hundreds of people you feel as if it's completely empty. Or maybe your at work around all your friends and co workers, even though your involved in the oh so fun gossip, you still see just the walls around you? Or maybe your at home relaxed and comfortable, everything physically is perfect you have your own place, money, and time, yet it feels as if the world is no longer in rotation.  And maybe just maybe, it's because the person who you loved to no end is no longer someone you can love. Because mentally and physically it just isn't healthy.  

  You see, people fail to realize that in order to experience loneliness, you don't particularly have to be "lonely". In order to experience a form of depression, you may not be depressed, you could just be lonely within ones self. But wait , they say, what does this have to do with loving someone I can no longer love? 

  Let me explain, to often do people entertain someone who they don't really like because they have this great feeling of "loneliness". And to often do people accept being a temporary fix for someone in fear that they will be alone. It's okay to be alone , embrace it, experience yourself , and just because you love someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be with them. One should never be afraid to be alone, because if you can't be alone with your own self, how can you truly be alone and comfortable enough  with the one you love.

Now many experience this after a tough break up. They get in the mindset that finding someone new right away will keep them from becoming lonely or help avoid the feeling of depression. Truth is it won't, it will always remain scary until you actually just be alone. Love your me time, that's where you learn yourself the best, when it's completely quite, because all you can hear is yourself, and sometimes my friends that is exactly what you need. Love yourself take care of yourself, and in return lonely is the last thing you will ever be, because you have YOU. Good day.

"Never judge a book by its cover"

Many people will judge you by the superficial marks upon the anterior of your skin. Is that fair? Is that realistic? Do you truly know them? Are those marks just superficial upon site,or how deep do they really go? All these questions should be ask before you speak upon what you see about another human being. To often do people mistreat or avoid a person by what they are wearing or what they have "heard" about them. 

You should never judge a book by its cover ,for you do not know how that book was wrote. In simpler context, just because a person has tattoos from head to toe does not justify that, that person is bad. In many instances , "the nicest person you will meet will be covered in tattoos and piercings, while sometimes the most judgemental person you will ever meet is the person that attends church regularly,". Now that is not always true but in many instances around the world that has been the case.

Now days in this very different society, people believe that conformity of the not so normal behaviors of the world, is an act of self destruction! Which in all actuality it isn't. People are becoming their own, loving their own, and experienceing all aspects of life, and that is okay. No one truly knows the next, no one experiences the same events as the next, no one feels things the way the next does, and that my friends gives us every reason to NOT judge, and LOVE until given reasons that they are not deserving in realistic action filled forms. Not because their skin, hair, eye color,their choice of art upon their skin, their comfort of fashion, or their preferences of whom to love. GOOD DAY LOVES.

"Do not leave the one you love for the one you like"

To often do people want what they can not have. Not only do they want what the cannot have but, many will do the most to get it. For example, you have a significant other who loves you tremendously, you come across someone lustful to your taste, and suddenly you have lost all focus. Even though this person doesn't pay you any attention, you just can't seem to get their image out of your head. So, you go home already agitated because, NEWS FLASH you have seen the hottest thing physically in your head, and BOOM, next thing you know your significant other is wanting to have a conversation about bills, and other everyday life issues. Now it gets tricky, you saw something lustful and their was no drama involved, you come home into a world of conversations about what you need to get done, decisions. The argument continues and without notice your significant other has pushed you more toward the image of the oh so lustful human being. So you gather a few belongings and you insinuate your going to go out with your buddies because its all just to much to deal with.
   Now here comes the philosophical part. Just because the presence of someone gives you a great physical comfort, does not mean act upon it. As a Adult Child of divorce I've seen first hand the type of pain cheating, lying and, being spiteful can cause. One night, is not worth one life. Not only are you crushing the person who waits upon you hand and foot, but your crushing the hearts of the creations you two brought into this world (your kids).
   Men and women, always look at what is in front of you, and if its not broken don't fix it, and if it is try to. To often do people throw away years of built foundation , just to walk on a side walk with cracks in it. Never leave the one you love for the one you like, because no matter what there is always going to be someone better than you and your significant other. Question is, is the grass truly greener on the other side of the fence, or are you not watering properly on your side? The decision is always left up to oneself, but the pain that's for everyone involved. Think before you act, Think before you speak, and most of all Leave before you cheat.

"The uncomfortable jog"

Women! Yes women, have you ever had to make that uncomfortable jog to the door being held by the guy who is doing you such a grand gesture but fails to realize it's puts you in an embarrassing trot. Im sure 90% of us women had to. Guys we cherish the man who still holds the door for us women, but sometimes when we are walking at a comfortable pace and are more then ten feet behind you, YES, I'm saying Yes in confidence that yall won't take my inch and run a mile with it, it is OKAY to not hold the door. Atleast from my point of view, I mean what woman who is dressed to impressed, nice work dress, and unscuffed heels wants to attempt a trot to a door that is more then 10 feet ahead of them in a crowd full of people? I mean let's face it , we all know that no girl (not even beyonce whom fell down some steps during a concert in her oh so extravagant stilettos) can walk in a pair of heels with no stumble. Now let's reiterate this , by any means does not mean men, that im just another woman taking the niceness of a man and turning it into a complaint, not at all, just friendly advice . Cause you may be holding the door for the beautiful girl you oh so want to show gratitude for, who may just hate the fact that she had to trot ten feet into a face plant right infront of you. God day loves! 

Your Choice.

Life is a choice. You ever wonder how you came about? Well by choice, it was your parents choice to conceive you and it's your choice to make the best of what's handed to you. Life is a choice. Now think of all the things you have learned growing up or retained, it wasn't just because it happened,you chose to learn it. You get asked a question? It's your choice to answer. With all that being said the best thing in life are the choices that made you better, and the choices that made you chose wiser. For instance, every one has done something they regretted, and everyone has the choice to make it a positive lesson learned or a negative impact that you dwell on, or let set you back. Now let me get to the point, never let anyone chose a path for the steering wheel your directing. Live, chose, and learn. Not everyone will always agree with what you do, but always remember that some will. And that "some" are the ones who understand that what you do are your own choices and you own that. Everyone is entitled to the control of themselves no one else. "THE CHOICE IS YOURS" .

You are Your own.

You walk into a room and there's hundreds of others all around. Do you know that there is no other person who is identical to you? Yes it's true! Not even your parents. You are your own. Own it. Parents fail to realize that raising a child does not mean they are going to think, behave, or have morals such as themselves. See, we live in a world, that's offers many different religions, races, morals, and values and that is what defines you, not your parents. How you become one with the world is what defines you. You see, growing up your parents are your foundation, but they are not your home, you are. In simpler context, you can teach someone how to walk but that doesn't mean they will always follow you. Young adults of today always take a stand for what you believe in, live the life you love. For me it has always been the next persons smile is more important than my own. And that my friends is a false aligation that I have come to realize. Only you can determine what brings you happiness, and that starts with owning who you are. Take pride in the things that make you most joyful, take pride in the skin your in  and don't let anyone take that away, because here again you own your happiness "you OWN you". With that being said I will continue with another blog here soon about "The Choice" HOLIDAYS for the adult child of divorce! Stay tuned and thank you for taking interest in us A.C.O.D.

Being the Rope in "Tug of War"

Hi, as many of you know I'm Kayla Rogers and I am an Adult Child of Divorce (A.C.O.D). My parents whom had been married 30+ years recently got a divorce, and I must say this last past year has been full of big time stress endeavors. With out intention my parents have put me directly in the middle, meaning I am the "Rope" of their tug of war. When parents split they inherit the true "disease" of divorce. They tend to try and grab their child/children and get them on their side. What they fail to realize is that, unintentionally your tearing your child apart in half. As a young adult we get to the point where everything that happens we have an idea, or know exactly what mainly all traumatic events mean, one in particular Divorce. So when it happens at a age of 16 and older we get told and listen to things we probably shouldn't. As parents they should never let their child know the true reason they are splitting up. Reason being is they tend to place more blame on the other for their unacceptable actions, and try to manipulate your mind into believing your father/mother are horrible human beings. Now in my case, an affair took place and so one did wrong while the other didn't, therefore I knew where the blame laid. Knowing where the blame needed to be placed was hurtful enough, much less when they split one parents tends to confide in the older child and tell them everything that they truly don't need to know about the other. It creates this sense of choose me , pick me, be MINE and not theirs, because they hurt me. When in fact parents should console the child and promise them that everything will work out, and to always continue to love the other parent. They may have been a bad husband/wife, but that does not make them a bad parent and that should always be reiterated to the child.